October 25 Jokes

[cool1]

A little girl asked her mother for ten cents to give to an old lady in the
park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness. "There you are, my dear,
but, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"
"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells sweets!"

[cool1]

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five
dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five
dollars from.
The little girl replied: ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for
doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter: "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see
your panties."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I
got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing
a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied: "Didn't I tell you that he is...''
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy! I tricked
him, I didn't wear any panties today.''

[cool1]

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Hudson's
daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must just say, "I'm Jane
Hudson." The minister spoke to her in Sunday school and said, "Aren't you Mr.
Hudson's daughter?" She replied, "Well, I thought I was, but mother says I'm
not."

[cool1]

We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town.
Very early the next morning, our 3 1/2 -year-old ran into our bedroom to wake us
up. I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us.
About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy! Mommy!" he exclaimed,
"everybody has doorbells - and they all work!"

[cool1]

My two-year-old cousin scared us one summer by disappearing during our
lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and
shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Matthew playing calmly in the
woods.
"Listen to me!" his mother said sharply, "From now on when you want to
go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?"
Matthew thought about that for a moment and said: "Okay, Disney World."

[cool1]

Things You have Have Learned as Child

No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second
person.
Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac.
Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
School lunches stick to the wall.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.

[cool1]

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he
would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's
side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like
claws and roar. So it went, step, step, “ROAR,” step, step, “ROAR,” all the way
down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so
hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the
laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the
Ring Bear."

[cool1]

I want to be a kid again. I want to go back to the time when:

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"

"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly.

Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.

It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.

Being old referred to anyone over 20.

The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules
didn't matter.

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.

It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb.

It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn't an Olympic event.

Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot.

Nobody was prettier than Mom.

Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.

It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at
the amusement park.

Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.

Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare."

Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures.

No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home.

"Oly-oly-oxen-free" made perfect sense.

Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

War was a card game.

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.

Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.

Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.

Ice cream was considered a basic food group.

[cool1]

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers
went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses
and the supporting industry.
During the tour, some of the children needed to go to the toilet, so it was
decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the
other.

As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of
the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no
choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their
armpits, one by one.

As she lifted one up in this manner, she couldn't help but notice that he was
unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child.
"I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.

"No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. but thanks
for the lift anyhow."

ROTFLMAO!!!!

[cool1]

Man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The
little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call
her a doll?"

Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, my secretary
is a very hard-working girl. She types like you wouldn't believe, she knows the
computer system and is very efficient."

"Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closed her eyes when
you lay her down on the couch."

another ROTFLMAO!!!!

[ARS Michelle]

[ScreaM]

Originally Posted by cool1

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five
dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five
dollars from.
The little girl replied: ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for
doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter: "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see
your panties."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I
got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing
a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied: "Didn't I tell you that he is...''
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy! I tricked
him, I didn't wear any panties today.''

LMAO! This one cracked me up!

[Dupont]

Those gave me a chuckle, great jokes as always