May 2 Jokes

[cool1]

Jokes and wierd things

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'



Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only....Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.



The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.



Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.



Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.



Coca-Cola was originally green.



It is impossible to lick your elbow.



The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

[cool1]

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%



(now get this...)



The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%



The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400



The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000



Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.



The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.



The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

[cool1]

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Wonder what it would mean if the horse had all legs off the ground?

[cool1]

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

[cool1]

5

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?

A. Their birthplace



Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?

A. Obsession



Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?

A. One thousand



Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?

A. All were invented by women.



Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?

A. Honey



Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?

A. Father's Day

[cool1]

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.

When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'

[cool1]

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

SO does this mean your father in law owes ya a good month long drunk??

[cool1]

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
It's where we get the phrase
'mind your P's and Q's'
lol.. i can remember my mom yelling this at me many times.

Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

[cool1]

At least 50% of people who read this thread will try to lick their elbow!

[ARS Michelle]

Nice, Thanks for sharing!

[cool1]

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.



2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.




3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.




4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.



5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't
have e-mail addresses.




6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.



7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen




8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.



10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.



11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )



12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.




13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.




14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.




15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

[ARS Michelle]

Originally Posted by cool1

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.



2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.




3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.




4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.



5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't
have e-mail addresses.




6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.



7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen




8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.



10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.



11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )



12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.




13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.




14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.




15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

ROFLMAO, I did to.

[seeandsee]

Am i 50% guy

Thanks for jokes cool1!

[Gasta]

Originally Posted by cool1

At least 50% of people who read this thread will try to lick their elbow!

Lol, I tried it but can't do it.

[ScreaM]

Originally Posted by Gasta

Lol, I tried it but can't do it.

I've read that one before so I didn't try it.

[cool1]

Originally Posted by ScreaM

I've read that one before so I didn't try it.

hard to pull one over on you, maybe next time

[mikesinner]

Funny stuff, thanks

[Dupont]

Lol.. those gave me a chuckle

[fresh]

funny ones mate

[Smarter]

Originally Posted by cool1

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.




15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Busted!

Nice ones,thanks for sharing!